Life Lessons from Moana

     As a mother one thing I do is watch movies (and the music videos from said movies) over and over again. And then a few more times. I could throw down in a lyric contest for both Trolls and Moana in my sleep. I am Moana now. My husband could also throw down in a "You're Welcome" song off, for some reason he really relates to being a demigod who feels he should be adored by all (thank you the Rock). One thing I have done to cope is come up with life lessons to be gleaned from the movies that make up my every waking hour. Moana is a cornucopia of life lessons, many of which are not that hard to glean from this stellar movie but here are a few that particularly resonate with me.

Slytherins are always cast as villians...because they are

    I see a lot of "all slytherins are not all evil people! Stop vilifying the villains!". Maybe the reason people tend to cast them as villains is because they are the villains?
    One of the defining traits of a slytherin is cunning and ambition to the point of exploiting people. That is not a positive defining characteristic. Just saying. More than that aligning yourself with slytherin is saying you want to be aligning yourself with prejudice, violence and evil. It isn't that everyone in that house is pure evil (Slughorn and Regulus are literally the only arguments and let's face Regulus wasn't really a good person, he became a good person) but their desire to be grouped with people who are is at the very least a red flag and at most they're Voldemort.
      Even if someone valued slytherin qualities to an extent that doesn't require harming others (Slughorn) they would have to at the very least tolerate (but commonly desire) to be associated with mass murders and prejudice. The example of a real slytherin that wasn't placed in slytherin solely because of their adamant refusal to be aligned with hatred is Percy Weasley. He is a slytherin through and through, to the point of stepping on his family in his assent to success but ultimately he was unwilling to come anywhere near the dark arts and the evil people who studied them. It's really too bad more people in our country had the integrity and honesty to remember that support for specific people can not be divided from the racism, sexism and general evilness of certain people.

"Nazis are bad and slavery is wrong" is the common ground of ALL DECENT PEOPLE: don't be a nazi sympathizer

     Really? Do you really think now is appropriate time for "free speech" defenses? Or to mock "liberals" with the flaws of other people who have statues? PSA: Right after people are killed, and/or when people are marching for the ability to do are harm and murder groups of people are not the the times for your crappy agendas. Right after a school or nightclub shooting is not the time to make sure people know you want zero restrictions on your ability to own however many machine guns you want. Right after people march in support of terrorism is not the time to question if it falls under free speech (it doesn't). If you literally cannot get behind that slavery and nazis are wrong then you are un-American.

Knope is dope but...

   I love Leslie Knope. She is a fierce, amazing women who in many ways symbolizes hope and empowered women. I even was doing that embarrassing thing we pretend we don't do where you fantasize about which celebrity you'd want to meet and I thought I might actually cry if I saw Amy Poehler, who I actually think is pretty cool as a person, because in the really eerie political times seeing the ray of hope that is Leslie Knope (coupled with the fact that she is actually Amy Poehler who I can't actually approach since she is a person who deserves not to be pestered by fans) might overwhelm me. To be fair, ever since my pregnancy and birth of my first child I do cry easier than I wish.

  However, Ben might be too good for her. Put down your pitchforks! Before you riot let me elaborate.

What "Does this dress make me look fat"? means (and how to respond)

    There are layers of reasons a woman asks how she looks in clothing. As annoying as it may feel to you to constantly be asked this question, you need to answer and be sensitive every time. Every. Time. I know sometimes it feels like there is no good response to this question but no answer feels like you agree (that she looks fat) and don't want to admit it. And let me tell you that hurts. Being frustrated with your wife because she takes too long to get ready because she gained weight and no longer fits in her clothes hurts. Especially when the weight in question was gained when growing a baby. All of the problems are escalated when it is related to pregnancy or new motherhood.

Sounds From Your Child That Strike TERROR into Your Soul

 
    It's funny how such small beings can have such complete hold over our lives, and how the smallest noises from the world's most lovable and smallest terrorist can strike absolute terror into the very soul of any parent. I can't count the times my little bundle of joy has caused me to stop dead in my tacks as the feeling of dread washes over me and I wait to learn my fate. Any of the following noises have the power to cause this parental paralysis:
  -lots of rolling over in their crib when you've finally laid down, or in the morning and you're just too    exhausted to get up...or really any time
  -little crying noises that can be simply late night moans or the beginning of the end
  -explosive pllt pllt pllt phllllllllt emanating from their diaper
  -silence when you're in the other room (usually the bathroom so you can't get to them easily or            check to see what they've gotten into)
  -stepping on something loud as you back out of their room after putting them to bed
  -little choking noises (this is the scariest on this list)
 - the rattle of a toy when she's asleep
  - that gigantic intake of air where you swear they have the same suction power as a black hole right      before they let out and earth shattering scream

Ross Geller is #THEWORST

        Ross Geller is the tomato you specifically asked NOT to be on your sandwich but for some unfathomable reason the one with the power making your sandwich thought "this sandwich needs this slimy, gross tomato to condemn it" stuck it on there anyway and then tried to convince you that it is a delicious and necessary addition. Ross Geller has very few redeeming qualities, and even those are manufactured in spite of every other scene contradicting his so-called good qualities. He is portrayed as sweet and caring but there is little to no actual evidence of that besides the other characters saying that. In the same episode he tries to woo Rachel he yells at her repeatedly, acts like a condescending jerk to her when she loses Marcel and  then displays his inability to keep his rage issues in check by kicking a pole. And then she acts like he is still a nice guy who was totally justified! Being upset is justified, yelling a little bit can even fall under expected behavior but the things he yells are unacceptable. He asked her to spend the day taking care of his illegal monkey and then repeatedly insults her. There is no way she should have ever considered dating the loser after that.

What Was Wrong with the Gilmore Girls Revival

     I'm going to start with what we all were thinking while watching the revival (and during parts of the original): Rory sucks. Many people relate to her because she is portrayed as this good-natured, bookworm but she isn't actually that great. She constantly screws over her friends, boyfriend and family members. She disregards their feelings constantly. First with Dean and Jess when she won't admit she should just break up with Dean. It's really selfish of her and mean to both boys she supposedly likes. She disregards her mother's feelings over and over throughout the entire series, including the revival. Rory is a grown woman complaining that her mom won't let her write about her life. Poor Rory who thinks she's too good for everyone and everything. She turned down an actual job for the hope of an extremely prestigious fellowship, she graduated college but was still unwilling to marry her live in boyfriend (which I will never get over, dumb girl). She gets mad at Logan for refusing to lie for her. She gets mad at her grandma because she is given literally everything on a silver platter but is asked to live by the rules of the household- gasp! How ridiculous. I am so over everyone in the Gilmore Girls fawning over Rory and praising her relentlessly. The moment something doesn't go her way she is a pouty, mean-spirited brat. To be fair, many people who are nice tend to blow up disproportionately to balance out their mild mannered alter ego. She isn't just an occasional brat though, she is a judgmental, unapologetic one.

Superpowers

    Do you ever feel like maybe you have superpowers? Some people are inherently good at things like keeping plants alive, getting people to come out of their shells, or guessing who committed the murder at the beginning of the movie, and other various superpowers of the common man. One of my superpowers I've noticed recently is that if I think of a line or scene from a show the episode with that scene will air shortly afterwards. Even when I can't quite remember what T.V. show the line is from it shows up relatively soon after I spend time trying to remember where the line in my head came from. It's fun to have a superpower even if it isn't particularly useful to anyone else but me...and not even that useful for me.
    I actually think that thoughts are fairly powerful force. I think talking about things and talking about them a lot can make things more likely to happen. It seems as if thoughts and words act as a force of attraction to events. I have no proof obviously, but the fact that generations of people feel the need to knock on wood in order to counteract words suggests that this feeling of superstition is fairly common. It  makes me feel better to think that I'm not the only one unnerved by the feeling that words and thoughts can attract events, even though that seems impossible. I think acknowledging our superstitions can be helpful because then they have less control if you say "hey, I know this is irrational but I feel this way." That way you can acknowledge it quickly and then move on. Even if thoughts and words don't inherently have power to attract specific events they do direct our actions so  even those of us not plagued by superpowers or superstitions should  be mindful of how we use them.